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Innocence turns into compulsion and can’t stop. Tom Raines, a shy boy from a small Southern town, grows up in a fundamentalist church filled with hatred and hellfire. Something goes very wrong. At age fifteen, he is rescued by an older woman who shatters his concept of sex and love to the point where sex becomes love. All he wants in life is for someone to love him unconditionally, but he finds himself in many relationships, searching for a woman who won’t knock him off his pedestal, often within the confines of marriage. This search for love proves to be his undoing as he becomes his worst enemy. Now he must overcome his guilt by making better choices about his role in his failed marriages, or end up lonely, lost, or dead.



Tom had an idea. It would help her or make her worse. He remembered a pin light in his glove box. He turned it on and directed its beam at her hands, gently picked one of them up and kissed it. He silently thanked Carol who taught him how to romanticize a woman.

“These hands are mine and the most beautiful precious hands in my universe.”

He unbuttoned the top button on her blouse. Tom shined the light in the beginning of her cleavage, leaned close to press his lips to the illuminated spot.

“So soft. So wonderful, so special to me. I’ll always love every inch of you.”

He unbuttoned the rest of her buttons in a slow rhythm as he beamed the light at her navel. Tom stayed away from her breasts. He unsnapped her khakis before sliding her black panties lower, allowing him to see her flat stomach with its navel. Tom leaned over and kissed her navel.

“Do you know how sexy you are? How perfect you are? I’ve never in my life met a woman as beautiful as you.”

By now, she panted as if racing. Tom moved to her mouth with a passionate kiss, followed by more French kissing. Soon, her tongue responded to his. Next, he trailed down her neck, kissing her with his lips. He placed his hand in her bra and brought one breast out of its cup, pointed the light on her rosy nipple and brushed the top of her chest with his long hair as he kissed it.

“You are my Venus. These are your goddess gifts for us both to enjoy.”; He slowly took her nipple into his mouth and caressed it with his tongue. She moaned. Tom eased his hand down to her pants and finished unzipping them, easing them down so the top of her pubic hair showed, glistening in the light’s beam. He tracked kisses lower until he kissed her on her luxurious mound.

“My angel, my sweet, precious angel. How could anyone hurt you or take something as beautiful as you and your body and treat it disrespectfully?”; As Tom whispered those tender words, he pulled her slacks and panties down to her knees. Now came the big moment, Tom shined the pin light in small circles on her privates. She put her hand in the way to cover herself. He touched her hand as he slid it aside, kissing it again. Tom beamed the light the second time on her.

“This is my special rose. I want to smother it with my kisses. I want you to understand that we will share something so intimate, so lovely, so passionate tonight. I won’t have sex with you. I respect you enough to let you remain a virgin. But I want to pleasure you to prove what you mean to me. To me, rape doesn’t count toward taking your virginity.”